April 13th, 2016
July 9th, 2014 The summer before my freshman year of college I wrote a passage towards what I felt my purpose in life was:
I want to create something the connects with the way human minds absorb and perceive information, expanding my knowledge about the human brain and thinking patterns. Pieces of art can be composed in ways to catch the eye that may not be so obvious to the viewer, and if done so in a particular way can even provoke an emotional response. I want to learn about various media and materials and how to put them together to create something innovative, sustainable and with structure.
In the end I want to create something so beautiful and so beyond basic levels of thinking and feeling. I want to create something that moves people and brings them together. Something so astounding that when I'm gone I will have left behind my work that will continue to instill inspiration. This is what I have felt that I am compelled to do with my life. It is the ultimate project that is practical and creative and impacts a community. Whether it be tangible or non, it will bring a fresh way of thinking and bring enlightenment to concrete minds.
Life happens, and even in moments of clarity thoughts can be distorted, evolved and change shape. It can be hard to not let externalities be limiting as a human being. These limitations could very well be out of one's control, or boundaries could be built as a safe zone. Internally it is easy to question, am I enough? In such a fast paced world it is easy to not take time to give self recognition for personal accomplishments. This generation has such a pressure from social media that is constantly at one's fingertips so it's even easier to start comparing your life with another's. Take intentional time away from the externalities to be centered. Be mindful of when distractions pull you away from your roots. Be grounded enough to appreciate where you are in your life, and know that you are right where you're supposed to be.
March 1st, 2016
Intuition has become such an important aspect in my life. These past few months I have been observing how my decisions result from listening to or stubbornly ignoring the feeling my intuition gives me. I have come to acknowledge this feeling that resides within me and accept it as a guide. Mentally I picture my intuition helping me be cautious of obstacles throughout life.
My grandpa once told me that it does not matter if you cannot explain your feelings using words. That if you ever have the slightest bad feeling in your gut, run far far away and don't look back.
This advice, however seemingly flighty, has proven to be true. I have experienced time and time again that when I go against my intuition, I will always feel the aftermath of the "I told you so" from that little voice inside me.
The correlation of timing as I am a young woman learning the ropes of the adult world and my new discovered sense of intuition seems about right. I have noticed many of my peers speaking about their own awareness of the subject. The idea that your intuition will guide you through your own path is clear, but can be distorted. It is expected of humans to fall into temptation and go against what our own instincts are telling us, but if we are wise this is also how we learn. In turn I think we will eventually believe in ourselves more and will be more intentional to not waste energy on what we know is not meant for us.
"One of the most important discriminations we can make in this matter is the difference between things that beckon to us and things that call from our souls.... To choose just because something mouthwatering stands before you will never satisfy the hunger of the soul-self. And that is what the intuition is for; it is the direct messenger of the soul.” -Women Who Run With the Wolves
February 9th, 2016
A breath of fresh air, I thought I would share.
February 3rd, 2016
I want to recap on my world last year. 2015 was the single most challenging and brutal year I have ever experienced. I was by my grandmas side while she suffered in a hospital for a week until I witnessed her take her final breaths on February 9th. I have never experienced such a hardship that required so much of me mentally and emotionally until I was completely broken down.
Early Spring my mom got engaged to a very significant man in our lives. Shortly after he became mentally ill and committed suicide in June. My mom and I planned a trip together, and that was no easy endeavor either but it was immensely needed for the sake of getting away. For the sake of taking a little intentional time to heal.
Going through the grieving process is no easy battle. I would feel everything at once, and then nothing at all. I felt numb most of my summer, and in turn I was a little reckless for my taste, only living what seemed the bare minimum that was required of me. I was losing patience with myself. Finally I got sick of being so selfish when really I was taking a break from my chaotic life.
In the fall I began to open up my heart to try and be vulnerable again, but that back fired. I have always naturally been service oriented, finding broken people or things and taking them in to love and make them feel whole again. I hadn't allowed myself to be that way for a long time, but I thought maybe giving myself another purpose to take my mind off everything that was going wrong onto something that could go right. I believe this is what brought me to the lesson of the true meaning of empathy.
Emotional intelligence will always bring you further than without. With empathy comes an open mind. I learned the hard way that the world is much more than how your eyes see it. One day you may encounter somebody who is going through much more than you could possibly fathom, but what makes a difference is letting them know you care and will be there when they are ready.
I can truly say that I did not depend on anybody or anything emotionally through these trials with the exception of the love from my family, but even then they all have their own hardships to deal with. The moment my grandma passed away, my whole family had the traditions we spent with her in the back of their minds. The holidays especially, we were dreading it. This winter I felt like I was going to lose it without my grandma. I have never known a Christmas where I did not drive out to her house to be welcomed in by a gathering of people and presents. These memories were haunting me to the point that I would break down in the middle of what I was doing and burst out crying. All this said, the day after Christmas did come and now 2016 is here.
It's a new year and I learned so much that I will carry will me for the rest of my life. There is a new confidence instilled within me. I feel empowered to believe in myself and to never doubt myself. I will be patient with not only me, but with life. Possibly one of the most important lessons I have learned is that you cannot control anything. You cannot stop life from happening. All you can do is roll with it, and make the best of it.